A lot of my clients usually asked the question “Does he love me?” I can sometimes hear the embarrassment in a client’s voice as they ask. Perhaps they are worried that I’m thinking, “You’re the one in a relationship with him, can’t you tell?” But the fact is, I’m not thinking that at all. I’m thinking how much courage it takes to ask that question, and I understand where it comes from. Sometimes you can live with a man, sleep next to him every night, raise your children with him, and still not be able to tell what he feels.
Part of the problem is that many men are still taught that they are weak if they expose their feelings and vulnerability. These men will often appear in my tarot readings as the King of Hearts or as the Hermit – I can see the feelings are there, but they are hidden from view, buried inside. What I tell my clients is that men sometimes express their love in ways they may not immediately recognize. In other words, you may be looking for him to show his love in a green box, but you’re getting it in a blue one. Here are some signs that may help answer that burning question, “Does he love me?”:
1. He tries to satisfy you sexually.
Is he attentive to you in bed? Some men think this is the best way to show their love for their partner. Notice if he responds to what makes you feel good, if he’s tender towards you and often makes eye contact. Sometimes his eyes and his hands will say what his words can’t.
2. He spends a lot of money on you.
Does he surprise you with gifts, trips, or expensive meals on a regular basis? While this may seem materialistic, this may be his way of saying he values you, and that you deserve the best. He may share his money with you in accounts, or with joint cards, as a way of saying he trusts you. Some men speak the language of love through money. It may not be the ultimate destination you are looking for, but it can be a nice start.
3. He courts you by paying attention to your children.
I’ve sometimes noticed that men who are dating women with children, and who are also shy, will sometimes take the children to movies or sporting events, or will be encouraging in other ways — asking about their grades or outside interests. Don’t take this for granted. He knows how much your children mean to you. A man who is loving and respectful towards your children is a definite keeper.
4. He works hard to make you proud.
You may miss him because he’s putting in all that overtime, but he can’t wait to tell you that he got the promotion he’s been asking for. Some men are still boys, trying to impress their fathers; thinking that they are more lovable for what they do, than for who they are. Don’t try to change this pattern overnight. Praise him for his efforts and let him know you’re impressed, while reminding him how good it is to spend time together outside of work.
5. He brags about you to other people or compliments you.
It can be a little frustrating when friends and family say, “Mark can’t stop talking about how wonderful you are,” and all you can think of is, “If I’m so wonderful, why doesn’t he say it to me?” The fact is, he is saying it to you, indirectly, knowing that it will get back to you eventually. Two can play at that game. Praise him to his friends. He’ll also get the message, and be pleased.
6. He pours his heart out in holiday/birthday cards.
Some men just won’t tell you how they feel, but around holiday time or Valentine’s Day, you get a card that says what they’ve been holding in all year. Don’t be too cynical about the “Hallmark” husbands. Thank him for the card, and ask him, if he’s willing and doesn’t think it’s corny, to read it out loud to you. Something about saying the words will make him realize how easy it is to communicate face to face.
Ultimately there is no replacement for direct communication. The best way to say, “I love you” is to just say, “I love you”! In the meantime, appreciate the other ways he expresses himself, and continue to encourage him when you see signs of openness: “You know, the other day, when you said I looked nice, that made me feel wonderful. Thank you.” Men, I’m afraid to admit, are like dogs, but in a positive way — we respond to your encouragement. Let us know what you like, and model the behavior you want to see from us. We will catch on. Just give us time.