Almost all relationship will eventually come to a crossroads. If you go in one direction, you agree to let go of the hurt and towards a new bond that demonstrates trust, love, and security. But, if you go in the other direction, you agree to accept the pain of loss, learn from the experience, and move on. However, the one thing both roads have in common is “the unknown.” So, before you decide to break up, look around first. Should you try to work things out, or should you just let them go? Here are a few things to consider.
Put Yourself in Their Shoes
Can you see things from your partner’s perspective? Put yourself in their shoes and think about how you’d react to the things you say and do if you were on the receiving end. Maybe it’s you who’s causing them to shut down or act out. Maybe you don’t need to break up.
Is your partner abusive, a cheater or disrespectful in any way? If you’ve established certain boundaries, and your partner keeps pushing them or worse, you should certainly break up. And know that you can always establish new boundaries as your situation (or theirs) changes.
Are Your Demands Unreasonable?
Don’t give up on a good thing just because your partner doesn’t meet your (unreasonable?) standards. Frankly, they shouldn’t have to. Perhaps you’re putting all this on them because you fear commitment. Perhaps you need them to be perfect so you don’t have to focus on your shortcomings. If you’ve invested all of your happiness into building the perfect partner, it’s time to take a break from all the stress you’ve created and just work on making yourself happy in other ways.
Growth and change happen to every relationship. Even if everything were perfect right now, you might be in an entirely different situation a year from now. And for this reason, finding a partner who is willing to work with you for the survival of your relationship is a big deal. An imperfect partner who wants to be better (and shows it through action) is more of a keeper than you may realize.
Stop and Go vs. Push and Drag
Every relationship has its difficulties, but if these so-called hard times never open up to peace and security at least 50 percent of the time, then there is little incentive to continue the work and maybe you should break up. A workable relationship should fall into place in between moments of misunderstanding and challenge.
Does your partner know your feelings? If your problem comes from the fact that your partner simply doesn’t get it, but you love them, give them the opportunity to understand what is going on before you break up. It’s difficult to read your mind even if they’re your soulmate, and it’s even more difficult for them to fix what they don’t understand. You might be surprised at what your partner is willing to do once they know what’s going on. You don’t necessarily need to break up.
The Break-Up Threat
Sometimes, it may seem like you need to do something drastic to overcome your relationship problems, but using the threat of a breakup to initiate a fresh start is never the answer. Wanting to have a better relationship should come from love—not fear.